Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
