I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
