this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
