Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize