Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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