quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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