I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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