On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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