So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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