I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
