Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
