He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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