Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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