I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
