we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...so i touched it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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