True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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