on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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