i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
