He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
