Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
