My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
