the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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