I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
