Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize