Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
