it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
