Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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