I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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