The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
