I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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