she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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