Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
