Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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