until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
