I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
