how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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