Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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