I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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