Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
