and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
