ugly people sure do ruin things
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
