You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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