We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
