i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
