I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
