my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
