I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
