Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize