Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it hurts more in the daytime
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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