the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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