who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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