how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so let's talk penis.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
