I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
