I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just pee around me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
