that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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