Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
