I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize