can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
