He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
