Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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