I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
