Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
