Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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