I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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