so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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