there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
