I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize