Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
