she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize