dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
