thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
