your thong is hanging out like whoa
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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