She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
